


Roses are as Red as Blood

by Razor_the_ninja



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Actual Zero Requiem, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Lelouch and Suzaku are both a complete mess, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Night before the Zero Requiem, No Afterlife Implied, Suzaku has a hard time coping with Lelouch’s death, They spend one final special night together, Writing This Hurt, minor blood, post zero requiem, tragic ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28327923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razor_the_ninja/pseuds/Razor_the_ninja
Summary: It’s the day before the big Zero Requiem and Suzaku is struggling to cope with the fact that he actually has to kill Lelouch. His feelings towards him are very complicated. He eventually confesses to Lelouch and they spend their final moments together. The Zero Requiem happens and it’s quite bloody. Coping with Lelouch’s death is hard. It’s up to you to decide if the ending is tragic or hopeful.
Relationships: Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Kudos: 16





	Roses are as Red as Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ! This is my first time writing a fic in about a year so it’s been a minute, and it’s my first time writing a code geass fic. After reading so many lovely Zero Requiem fics I was inspired to try writing one myself. I hope the characterization is good enough and that whoever is reading this enjoys !

Suzaku sat there. His hands and whole body trembled.

He couldn’t do it. 

He couldn’t kill Lelouch, or more formally known as “Zero” to the public. He didn’t have the strength to go through with the Requim. Even though he had planned it out with Lelouch for weeks leading up to it. It was now the day before it was scheduled to take place. All of his strength had shattered leaving him broken and on the edge of full out sobbing. 

Why did he feel this way? 

Suzaku had asked himself that question over and over. After all, Lelouch was responsible for Euphima’s death and the death of thousands of innocent Japanese people. He had betrayed him and taken everything away from him. Suzaku didn’t even have the hope of dying anymore thanks to that damned geass. He should hate Lelouch and rejoice in erasing his existence from the world. 

So why was the task so difficult to bear?

Even after all of the pain the two had been through Lelouch was still Suzaku’s first and only friend. Suzaku clenched his fists in frustration. 

Why was he always so weak, such a coward, and fucking disappointment to the entire world. 

_I hate myself I hate myself I HATE MYSELF._

Suzaku thought to himself yet again. He always hated himself and had always wanted to die. Such a pathetic person didn’t deserve to live. However, he had met someone that had changed his perspective just for a moment. That person truly understood his trauma and suffering and had even been there for him at times. 

That person was Lelouch. 

Suzaku’s feelings towards the cold strategist had become very complicated. 

Was it hatred he felt for Lelouch? Envy? Sadness? Happiness? Or was there a deeper emotion within him?

_Love._

It was so fucking stupid. Suzaku had fallen in love with his best friend, enemy, person he wanted to kill more than anything, and now the person he HAD to kill. There was such a pain in the Knight’s heart; a longing for Lelouch. Suzaku didn’t want him to go yet. Not when he had just figured out his feelings. He stood up and decided to go for a walk in the rose garden to clear his mind of his thoughts that were currently drowning him. 

The garden was nice and the air was filled with the sweet and sharp scent of roses. A particular white one caught Suzaku’s eye. He walked over to it and carefully removed it from the bush it was attached to. He brought it up towards his face admiring it. 

_Such a nice rose. Too bad there is no one to give it to._

An image of Lelouch suddenly flashed inside Suzaku’s mind. He blushed faintly and turned away. 

What was he thinking? He could never. Besides no one knew of his fondness for flowers. It would be too unusual. Suzaku sighed and tucked the rose carefully inside his pocket. He decided to keep it anyways since he had already plucked it. He took in a deep breath of fresh air and continued strolling around the garden admiring the other roses. After some time passed he decided he should head back. 

It was late into the evening and Suzaku was in his quarters, a bit restless. He had tried to go to sleep early thinking that would help but it didn’t change anything. It didn’t help his growing anxiety as he anticipated the dreadful morning. Lelouch would be gone just like that. By his own hands too. It was driving the boy crazy. He couldn’t allow Lelouch to slip through his fingers like that without confessing his feelings first. A thought suddenly struck him.

What was the point?

Lelouch would still die anyways. Telling him how he really felt wouldn’t change anything. Suzaku shook his head. Still...his heart ached horribly and he wouldn’t be getting any sleep unless he got everything off his chest. He climbed out of his bed and stepped out into the hall, making his way towards Lelouch’s quarters. 

What if Lelouch didn’t want to listen to him?

No that was silly. They were best friends after all...well. Suzaku thought back to the times he had betrayed Lelouch. 

_We made up though and talked everything through…_

He was already out of bed so he might as well go through with it. He crept silently towards Lelouch’s room not wanting to disturb anyone else. He knocked politely on the door and waited. At first there was no response so he figured Lelouch was probably already asleep and was about to head back to bed when the door opened. 

“Suzaku?” Lelouch stood there wondering why Suzaku was at his door this late. Suzaku suddenly became flustered and sentences weren’t forming properly. Lelouch could tell there was a lot on his mind by the look in his eyes so he gestured him inside. He sat down on his bed and Suzaku followed. 

“Can’t sleep?” 

“No.” Suzaku stared hard at the ground, suddenly not able to look Lelouch in the eye. 

“It’s fine neither can I. Too many thoughts about the Requiem happening tomorrow I mean I am supposed to die.” Lelouch replied with a cold laugh. Those words hurt. The thought of Lelouch dying terrified Suzaku but his time was ticking away. 

Not even 24 hours left until the Requiem. 

Suzaku stared longingly at Lelouch wishing he could just collapse into his arms and let out all of his anger and frustration. 

“I just don’t understand why I’m feeling this way. I don’t want the Requiem to happen. I don’t want to lose _you._ It’s so fucking stupid though. You killed Euhpy and fucked up the lives of so many people. Caused so much violence. But I could never bring myself to truly hate you. After all you never truly intended to do all of those things.” 

“You’re right I never intended any of that.” It hurt. It hurt _a lot to_ see Suzaku like this. Lelouch could tell he was hurting so much inside and all he wanted to do was be there for him and comfort him. Before he could even think about what he was doing Lelouch leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Suzaku pulling him into a deep hug. 

Lelouch normally wasn’t an affectionate person at all in fact he was quite horrible with emotions and considered himself to have a lack of empathy. But it was different when it came to important people like Suzaku.

Suzaku’s eyes widened at first and then he just fell into Lelouch’s arms. He began to break down and at this point could not stop the tears that began to stream down his face. 

“I hate myself, I really do. I’m such a pathetic coward...just so fucking weak! Killing my father back then thinking it would help everything but it didn’t. It just made everything fucking worse. It’s all my fault the Japanese people lost the war. I betrayed my own people. I can’t bear to wake up anymore Lelouch I really can’t. All I’ve wanted to do is die.” 

With every word Suzaku spoke Lelouch’s heart shattered bit by bit. He felt sick to his stomach with guilt. He was responsible for the reason why Suzaku couldn’t die. He was responsible for taking Euphima away from him even if it was an accident. Now he was putting him through the pain and trauma of having to kill him. 

“I continue to betray the people I love. I’ve lost Euphy and now I’m about to lose you. I just can’t anymore. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to ease my pain without you? You’re the only person I’ve ever met to truly understand my trauma. You’ve always known I’ve wanted to die. You’re the only person who’s ever been there for me. To give me comfort when I needed it. And I know I’ve never really shown it till now but I have appreciated you and our friendship over the years so much. I don’t know how I would have managed without you. So all I ask is that we spend these last few moments together…” 

Suzaku’s words really stuck in Lelouch’s mind. Hearing all the cracks in his voice and his choked sobs tore his heart apart even more.

“I’m sorry…” Lelouch‘s voice started to shake as he spoke. “For taking everything away from you. I just wanted to protect you. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.” 

“I know.” Suzaku croaked. By now Suzaku was clinging tightly to Lelouch as he trembled and Lelouch just held him there in his arms like that. He embraced him for a long moment until he finally stopped shaking. Suzaku rested his face in the crook of Lelouch’s neck as tears continued to stream down his face. It felt good to finally let out his pent up emotions, and to be embraced like this by Lelouch. After some more moments Suzaku finally pulled himself together. “This might sound stupid and you’ll probably hate me for it, but my feelings have been all over the place and I think I’ve fallen in love with you Lelouch.”

_What?_

Lelouch’s heart skipped in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he heard those words correctly. 

“Wait repeat what you just said.” 

“I said I think I’m in love with you, you idiot.” Suzaku replied with more energy. Happiness surged through Lelouch. He couldn’t believe it. For so long he thought Suzaku absolutely hated him and even after they made up he figured a part of Suzaku still resented him. It was such a relief hearing those words. 

“Why would I ever hate you for that?” 

“Because you’re not in love with me…” 

“But I am!” Lelouch shouted back. He then quickly hid his face in embarrassment. Oh god he hadn’t planned on confessing his feelings that he had suppressed for so long. An awkward silence lasted between them as Suzaku processed those words. “Isn't it quite obvious?” Lelouch added. 

“I mean sure but...I just didn’t expect this response. I just wanted to confess how I felt before you died. I never even considered you shared the same feelings for me.”

Lelouch flicked Suzaku’s forehead. Suzaku looked shocked for a moment and then a small smile appeared on his face. 

“What was that for?”

“For being a total idiot.” Lelouch then stood up in front of Suzaku and placed his hands on his hips. 

“I prioritized saving you over my plans multiple times. I was essentially obsessed with getting you to switch over from the Britannians to my side. I prevented you from committing a passive suicide with my geass, and your whole affair with Euphy left me beyond jealous.” Suzaku just sat there admiring how good Lelouch looked. “Are you even paying attention?” 

“Uh somewhat…” Lelouch sighed, shaking his head.

“What am I going to do with you? Anyways at the time I didn’t realize my feelings for you quite yet but that doesn’t sound like something you would do for a “friend”.” 

“Wait I see where you’re coming from. It’s like back when I confronted Zero and the mask shattered and it turned out to be you. There was so much rage within me at the time, but shock coursed through my body too. I couldn’t bring myself to kill you in that moment because a part of me still valued you and our friendship.” Lelouch walked over to Suzaku and draped his arms over him resting his head on his shoulder. 

“Well a weight has been lifted off of our chests now that we’ve confessed our feelings. What do you want to do now?” There was a sinking feeling in Lelouch’s chest, such a sad feeling it was indescribable. All he had ever wanted was to spend his life with Suzaku and make him happy, the person he loved most after Nunnally. Now they were finally here but it was pointless. Their eyes met and Lelouch could tell Suzaku was thinking the same thing.

_If only they had more time…._

_If only their fates were different…._

_If only the world wasn’t so cruel…_

Suzaku fought back the urge to cry again. He couldn’t be so weak and pathetic all the time. Still, tears once again began to slowly fall down his face. Lelouch pushed him back gently onto the bed and ever so softly brushed his lips against Suzaku’s, caressing his face and wiping his tears away in the process. It felt like time had frozen. The two stayed there in that moment, how they both wished it could last forever. Suzaku’s whole body felt on fire in a good way. It felt as if life itself had been breathed back into his cold body. The feeling of Lelouch’s gentle lips on his own was indescribable, something he had lost for so long was given back to him. 

_Love._

Lelouch caressed Suzaku’s face gently, still hazy from their kiss. Something he had wanted to do for so _long now;_ press his lips against the one he loved. It was as if sparks had flown between them. He would never forget how that kiss felt even after death. A moment he would cherish for all eternity. Suddenly they both understand each other and their intentions from that kiss. There was no need for words between them anymore. Suzaku sat up and helped Lelouch slip out of his clothes. Their eyes met again, sparkling. They would make this night so special and memorable so it could be remembered forever. Once Lelouch’s clothes were gone he began to help Suzaku remove his. Through the process the rose in Suzaku’s pocket fell out onto the floor catching Lelouch’s attention. 

“What’s this?” He asked, picking up the rose. 

“Oh it’s a rose I found in the garden earlier. It caught my eye and I didn’t want to just leave it here. I had even considered giving it to you. I guess it’s yours now after all.” Suzaku responded as he turned away blushing.

“Aww that’s sweet. A rose for the one you love. Ha it’s something I can take with me into death. Now a part of you will always be with me.” Suzaku smiled, suddenly happy Lelouch had discovered the rose he was keeping. “I never knew you had a fondness for flowers though, I’m pleasantly surprised.”

“Yeah I guess I just never told anyone. It started back when we were younger actually. Those sunflowers on those hot days were always so pretty and fascinating to me.” 

“I remember those days.” Lelouch replied smiling. Wishing he could go back. After a few moments Lelouch went back to helping Suzkau remove his clothing. Now they were both bare in front of each other. Cold air danced across their skin creating goosebumps. It was getting late into the night, yet they both felt alive with energy. Suzaku pushed Lelouch back gently this time and brushed against his body with his own. The coldness faded as they were pressed against each other. Suzaku took his time tracing his finger tips against Lelouch’s soft pale skin and body. Mentally carving Lelouch’s features into his mind knowing he would never be exposed to such beauty again. 

Lelouch let out soft murmurs as Suzaku continued his touch. He bathed in the feeling of Suzaku’s quiet finger tips wisping across his fragile body. He cupped his hands around Suzaku’s face and stared into the depths of his eyes. They were filled with amusement and light but behind that a look of sadness and pain lingered. Lelouch wanted to wash all of that away just this once. He brushed his lips up against Suzaku’s once again but remained there a bit longer. 

Lelouch’s lips were warm and inviting like sunshine. Memories of the time they spent together as kids in the summer flooded Suzaku’s mind. Even when Euphemia’s death drove them apart and pain like shattered pieces of glass stabbed at both of their hearts, the feelings the two held for each other never changed. Suzaku had always felt safe and calm around Lelouch. It was almost as if he could escape his torturous mind and self hatred just for a few moments. Lelouch on the other hand had always felt like he could be himself around Suzaku. No other personas or manipulation were present in their interactions.

To lose such an understanding person is just so tragic.

The feeling of Lelouch’s lips on his neck brought Suzaku back to reality. His body prickled with delight each time Lelouch’s gentle lips brushed against his skin. The passion was there with each touch the two exchanged. It felt as though time had slowed down. The world was almost not so cruel for once as to allow them to enjoy this seemingly ever lasting moment. However, in the back of their minds they both knew this moment would have to end and the sun would rise bringing the bitter morning with it. But tonight was their night. Not even the Requiem could steal that away from them. 

Suzaku’s mouth made contact with Lelouch’s skin again. He pressed gentle butterfly kisses across Lelouch’s collar bone sending shivers throughout his elegant body. He moved up towards his neck and decided to try something new. He bit down lightly and began to suck causing Lelouch to call out his name softly in the dark. It was a pleasant sound to Suzaku’s ears. He continued with this action until Lelouch’s neck was full of marks. 

Lelouch’s body shivered with bliss each time Suzaku’s lips made contact with his skin. The way his winter soft lips moved across his neck leaving subtle marks; it left him breathless. Lelouch began to trail his fingers across Suzaku’s toned and delicate body. It was absolutely perfect. But that was no surprise considering all of the military training he had endured and physically how amazing of a pilot and fighter he was. Lelouch smiled. Suzaku belonged to _him_ and him _only._

Suzaku paused for a moment and simply gazed into Lelouch’s shining violet eyes. They were just so beautiful and it made him fall in love even more. Thorns tore at his heart however, knowing he would never get a glimpse at those like this eyes again. He then pressed his lips against Lelouch’s pale stomach and began putting butterfly kisses atop it. The room quickly filled with quiet laughs and giggles. Suzaku smiled brightly to himself. 

_Ahh he’s quite sensitive and ticklish here._

He continued the motion while Lelouch ran his fingers through his hair, tugging gently at the ends. The two continued like that through the night, becoming more and more intimate with each other. They shared such an incredible experience it was burned into their minds and skin. 

Lelouch sighed and rested his head atop Suzaku’s chest. 

“Only a few hours left until sunrise huh…” His voice quivered. 

“I don’t want this night to end.” Suzaku replied grimly as he wrapped his arms around Lelouch.

“I don’t either but we can’t change our fates. Just promise me though that you will be strong and live on for my sake.” Lelouch said smiling as a tear slid down his cheek. 

It hurt.

“I will. It’s not like I can take my own life anyways.”

Ouch. 

Suzaku felt empty thinking about living in the cold cruel world without Lelouch. He desperately wished he could join him in death. Lelouch noticed the look of sadness in his eyes and gently gripped his chin with his delicate fingers. 

“Hey I said be strong for my sake right?” Suzaku nodded and then Lelouch proceeded to press a soft kiss on his lips. The touch lingered for a moment. 

It would be their last. 

They held each other in their arms for the remaining hours of the night. Neither got any sleep, and instead just embraced the warmth of the other’s presence. The sun soon rose bringing the horrors of the new day with it. 

Lelouch stood as the Demon Emperor looking out towards the frightened civilians and clear blue sky. The November wind felt cold on his face. Suzaku would appear soon if the plan was going well. He took a deep breath attempting to calm himself. It was a hard task considering his impending death. He didn’t even want to think about the pain that would come with being stabbed to death. 

_Well it’s what I deserve…_

His heart hurt even more thinking about leaving Suzaku alone in this world full of pain and suffering. Suzaku obviously had to make Lelouch’s death look real and not planned out, but Lelouch still hoped he would be able to get a few last words in even with Suzaku wearing the Zero mask. 

Suzaku soon appeared at the edge of the horizon fully dressed in the iconic Zero outfit. 

_He looks so good in it…._

Lelouch braced himself as Suzaku raced closer, a long sharp sword in his hands. He stood up and pretended to act as if he was shaken by Zero’s appearance. The public of course cheered in excitement and relief at Suzaku miraculously showing up to save the day. 

All wishing death on the Demon Emperor.

_Well the plan is going well which is good...the public must never find out that my death is staged._

Lelouch inhaled sharply and just like that Suzaku was in front of him, his sword inches away. Time froze for Lelouch. Memories, good and bad flashed through his mind quickly. He re-lived all of his best and worst moments. 

_Your life really does flash before your eyes before it ends huh…_

Time resumed again and Lelouch acted as if he was gonna dodge but allowed the sword to enter him. It hurt less than he expected, probably due to shock. A dull pain was still present though. He could feel the metal object in his side. Warm blood quickly flowed from the wound spilling over onto the ground and his fingers. Lelouch felt nauseous and sick. 

_So much...so much blood. My blood…_

Panic started to set in but it was replaced by an odd sense of calmness. 

_This is the end...of my suffering and the world’s suffering._

Lelouch once again longed to take Suzaku with him. He raised his bloody hand slowly and placed it on Suzaku’s mask. He caressed it gently, staining it with blood. Suzaku was a complete mess underneath it. He couldn’t stop the endless stream of tears. It was too much seeing Lelouch in this state.

By his own hands. 

Lelouch leaned into Suzaku’s arms and spoke softly. 

“It’s your duty to carry on as Zero Suzaku Kururugi, protecting this world and to bear the burden of the geass. I’ll be waiting. Waiting for the day we meet again on the other side—.”

Suzaku hoped some type of afterlife existed. An afterlife where people like him and Lelouch would be welcome. Where they could find each other again. However, the world then started to cave in at the realization that such a place likely never existed. How could it? The universe was too cruel and unforgiving for that. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Suzaku choked painfully in reply. Life started to slip away from Lelouch. Suzaku watched in horror as his blood stained hand dragged slowly down the mask before abruptly falling to the ground. Lelouch fell forward and tumbled gruesomely down the ramp leaving a thick trail of blood. 

Fragments of Suzaku’s heart flew away into the wind. 

He didn’t dare look behind him, not wanting to see Lelouch’s corpse. However, he did notice something on the ground. He leaned down and grabbed it quickly. It was the white rose. It was now stained red with Lelouch’s blood. It must have fallen out of his pocket just now. Suzaku held it dear to him and then gently tucked it away. 

Everyone was cheering happily and the Black Knight prisoners were starting to be released. The air was filled with joy and everything seemed so happy and bright. The world was saved. Suzaku held his bloody hands in front of him and looked up at the sky. 

Everything was gray. 

Roughly three month had passed since Lelouch’s death. The warm September wind turned bitter as it was now December. In fact it was Lelouch’s birthday to be exact. Suzaku was visiting Lelouch’s grave as he did every day but today was obviously special. He was carrying the blood stained rose with him. Suzaku’s face felt cold as snowflakes fell. He found Lelouch’s headstone and walked over to it. The sight was still painful and Suzaku was still in shock over the Requiem. It still hadn’t fully registered that Lelouch was gone. 

Talking aloud at his grave helped with the pain though. Suzaku knelt down and then sat beside the grave, shifting a bit until he was comfortable. He stared up at the sky and watched as the snowflakes coated the land in white. 

“What a gray day for your birthday.”

It hurt. Suzaku secretly wished Lelouch heard his words somehow, somewhere far away. He looked painfully at the grave and the words etched on it. C.C had been the one to help him create the grave in the first place. She had shown no emotions besides a sad expression but Suzaku knew deep down Lelouch’s death had hurt her a lot more than what she expressed. After making the grave she had said goodbye to Suzaku, telling him she was going off to some far away place. Who knows where, but part of Suzaku wished she had stayed just so he wouldn’t be so lonely. 

It was hard, but Suzaku was adjusting to his constant solitude. Living a dead life was no fun and the duties as Zero were mundane and repetitive. It was his punishment. To keep living despite his death wish. Suzaku looked forward to the day he joined Lelouch. 

Suzaku sighed and rested his head against the headstone.

“I hope you’re celebrating somewhere…” Suzaku imagined Lelouch looking down on him, smiling. It made his heart warm. He chased away the thought of no afterlife. It was pointless thinking about it again. However a tiny part of him knew it was practically impossible for one to exist given how cruel the geass universe was. They had both been given such shitty lives. 

It wasn’t fair. 

Why couldn’t they both be normal teenage students back at Ashford Academy worrying about something as carefree as dressing up as cats for the school club. Suzaku had contemplated this over and over. The simple days at the academy felt ages ago. 

He had taken them for granite. 

Now Suzaku would do anything to go back. He curled up tightly as flashbacks of the requiem flooded his mind. 

It was too much. He couldn’t handle it. 

The bloody sword in his hands, stabbing right through Lelouch. His bloody hand on his mask. Lelouch’s final words. Suzaku began trembling as he lived through those horrible moments again. This had happened frequently after the requiem. He would get terrible flashbacks and felt as if he was living through them again.

“Please make it stop….” He sobbed quietly. Suzaku stayed that way for awhile. His face in his hands as tears streamed down his face. He was falling apart again. The snow thickened and he soon felt chilled to the bone. Suzaku came back to reality and realized he was at Lelouch’s grave. 

“Sorry...you have to see me so weak and pathetic like this. Everything is just so lonely and cold without you.” Suzaku winced. He desperately wished to feel Lelouch’s lips on his own, the burning contact of their skin. He thought back to the night before the Zero Requiem. He would give everything to be in that moment again. Where time had stopped and it was just his body against Lelouch’s. 

Suzaku set the blood stained rose gently atop Lelouch’s grave and stood up. 

“I’ll find you again, and when I do we won’t ever be separated again.” Suzaku walked away slowly, tears streaming harder than before down his face. Somewhere inside his heart he knew that would never be possible.

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty angsty fic, huh? That’s what I was going for since I literally love angst and writing it so much. In all of the requiem fics I’ve read so far none of them actually included the day and process of the Zero Requiem, so I added that in mine to switch things up. Also it’s implied that since the geass universe is so cruel no type of after life exists and Lelouch and Suzaku won’t ever see each other again, but it’s up to oneself to decide if they reunite eventually in an afterlife or if Lelouch truly is gone forever. Open ended ending type beat.


End file.
